Sorry Officer, I just ovulated

Well  I am on CD 13 and this is going to be a long 2ww. I am so excited about this month, I feel like a kid waiting on Christmas. I have been testing since CD 7, assuming it would be at least CD 15 or later before ovulation, not this month I had a positive reading on CD 12! It was a crazy day, I had to work late, I had my Aunt and Uncles housewarming shower, so I was having to test early because I would have been on the road at 2:00. So I am running out the door with my ovulation test in my napkin trying to get to Jemison. I am driving down the road on the phone and forgot that I had to check my test, so I look at the test and it was a bright as they come! I almost hit the car in front of me, there was a cop behind me so I was trying to think of how I could explain to the cop why I was distracted! All in all it was a great day! I do not go to the doctor until November 1, and I want know anything until later that week, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed! It would absolutely wonderful to be pregnant around the holidays, but I want God's will and timing if he sees fit for me to pregnant later, then so be it.

HaPPiNeSS

So I'm on CD 10 and I have started "testing". I have been getting some decent lines so Im sure that ovulation is on the way ;). I know that I am probably getting my hopes up, but I have such a good feeling about this month. I guess I am just being optimistic! I really am starting to understand more of the "why me" with the infertility issue. I have met so many special friends that I would not have if not for this awful disease. (If anyone is wondering it is considered a disease of the reproductive organs). I have had a few friends that I started the journey with, and a few friends I have met along the way. I have one who has become very special to Heath and I rather quickly and more recently. This couple is starting IVF very soon and with this not so casual decision comes alot of questions and paperwork. You have to actually designate a recipient of your embryos if something should happen to you and your spouse. We have been chosen by these friends to receive the embryos. I am so completely honored that someone feels that we are worthy of raising a part of them. It really got me thinking about how God works so mysteriously behind the scenes. While we are not watching things change and grow. If not for my infertility I would not be close to this friend. If not for infertility Heath and I would not have grown into the couple we have become. If not for infertility then I do not think I would have been the parent that IM GOING TO BE! I already have so much love for a child that has not even been conceived, I can only imagine the feeling of knowing that I have a child on the way but I also feel like that I do not have to be pregnant to be a mother, I just want to raise a child.

happy wife.. happy life hehe

Well I am only on cd 7 and I am so ready for this one to end. Not because I don't feel good, or because Im tired of all this (although Iam) I have a reallllly good feeling about this month! For the past few months I have been so upset if someone says, "maybe this is the month" all I could think is how dare you, you have no idea whats its like to dread going to the bathroom! LOL But I think I have come to the conclusion- What do I have to lose???? Why not be happy and look forward to it for a few months. It still hurts at the end of the month but for the first few weeks to be happy, its worth it! So I have to start testing today, with the stupid ovulation tests that I boycotted! I was in Walmart and I couldn't find our new best friend (Clear Blue digital). I found first response and on the top it said DIGITAL! So being naive and not reading I got it, come to find out it was just a coupon for a digital PG test so its still the same old test that I hate.

rose colored glasses... not so much

Today is CD 1 and I have started my 3rd round of Clomid. They have doubled my dosage from 50 mg to 100 mg. I was hoping this month would go as easy as the last two, but for me it seems double the dose- double the side effects. I have been so nauseous today, and sooo tired. I honestly could go to bed right now, and I probably will when I am through typing this.. LOL.I am sure when Im preggers I will look back at this and realize how small this is compared to some things but right now this could possibly be the worst thing in my life. There are so many things that I see differently now, and I honestly cannot help it, it just comes. Now when I see a pregnant woman I don't smile or walk past thinking how cute she is pregnant, I think why not me, when I see a Dad and his son I don't think about when I was little, I think why can't I give my husband that, when I see Grandparents with their grandchildren it makes me so sad that my parents and Heath's parents don't have that, and they may not.. That's the thing about IF that no one understands until you've been there, it DOESN'T always get better. Yeah there are people who over come this but its not a guarantee. Yes there is always adoption and IVF but those are not casual decisions. I just pray that God continues to give me strength, because he is the only one who can heal my soul and give me peace.

the waiting game....

Well on Wednesday of last week, I had my progesterone injection. It was soooo much better than orally taking Provera. While I was on Provera I would get so so sick that I was almost non functional, but the only side effect of the injection has been mood swings, which my hubby can handle better than me being sick.I am currently in the waiting game, waiting on AF so we can try 100mg of Clomid. The past two months we have been on 50 mg. So I hope 100 is the magic number! It is hard to believe we only have 3 months left before more extensive treatment will be explored. I purchased my "thread" the other day, I am having a hard time getting the link to post! It is stirrup-queens infertilitys common thread, it is an article definitely worth reading! I think its safe to say that when they say tattoos are "addicting" they are correct. I have already been to have mine next tat priced and drawn! I am really excited about this one, its just one more daily reminder of God's promise that he will fill my hearts desire in his time.

Well they say 3rd times a charm... lets hope so!

Well looks like we will be going for round 3 of Clomid. Last month was great, I was so excited that I ovulated, I think I would have told complete strangers if it was appropriate, this month not so much I wanted to hide in a cave and never come out. I felt this way for about 2 weeks, until today. I have been taking for granted so many things that I am blessed with. I have such a precious husband who loves me on good days and bad. He always knows what to say to make me feel better. I have such a great family, my mother is so special to me, she is truly my best friend, I know that if everyone in the world hated me, she could still find something for me to be thankful for. My dad is such a strong inspiration to me because he has always been my rock, he has never let anything defeat him, he is my iron man. I have a loving brother who would die for me if it meant that it would help me. I have been so consumed with our infertility that I had forgotten all the small things that made me who I am. Baby or no baby I have a great life and I am so very thankful for it. I have to get my hormone shot Wednesday... I hate these things but its only once a month. The doctor decided to up my dosage from 50mg to 100mg I realllly hope the side effects do not get worse. Its hard to believe that we are going on 3 months, but some days it feels like a life time. We will see how this month goes we just gotta pray and see what GOD has planned :)