rose colored glasses... not so much

Today is CD 1 and I have started my 3rd round of Clomid. They have doubled my dosage from 50 mg to 100 mg. I was hoping this month would go as easy as the last two, but for me it seems double the dose- double the side effects. I have been so nauseous today, and sooo tired. I honestly could go to bed right now, and I probably will when I am through typing this.. LOL.I am sure when Im preggers I will look back at this and realize how small this is compared to some things but right now this could possibly be the worst thing in my life. There are so many things that I see differently now, and I honestly cannot help it, it just comes. Now when I see a pregnant woman I don't smile or walk past thinking how cute she is pregnant, I think why not me, when I see a Dad and his son I don't think about when I was little, I think why can't I give my husband that, when I see Grandparents with their grandchildren it makes me so sad that my parents and Heath's parents don't have that, and they may not.. That's the thing about IF that no one understands until you've been there, it DOESN'T always get better. Yeah there are people who over come this but its not a guarantee. Yes there is always adoption and IVF but those are not casual decisions. I just pray that God continues to give me strength, because he is the only one who can heal my soul and give me peace.