Saturday, September 25, 2010
staying strong is easier said that done
So today is cd 18, and it appears my meds didn't work this month. This can happen although I really hoped since they worked last month that this month would be the same. There is still a VERY small chance I could have missed my LH surge or could still ovulate today or tomorrow. I am not going to test anymore this cycle, I think it would be good for me just to take a break from it. It is what it is, so why worry. I know that God has a plan and I have turned it over to him but just because we know this doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt. IF makes you feel inadequate, why is that a things so small as a bug can reproduce and I cant? It is completely different than when you are ttc and not knowing there are problems, you still get excited on cd 28 because you didn't start or on cd 22 you were nauseous, but for us our glimmer of hope is crushed on cd 13-18. When you don't ovulate there is no egg to be fertilized so I have to wait 2 weeks before my next period to start more meds and start this tiring process all over again. I am trying to take one day at a time but its alot easier said that done. I am trying with all my heart to be strong and not give up but as before that is easier said than done. I KNOW God has a plan , I KNOW that his timing is better than mine.. I KNOW that he can do miracles, but it still hurts, it still feels like you are in a closed room yelling and no one can hear you. All I can do know is just pray for peace and strength.