the best years of your life are far from over

With school starting back up tomorrow I can't help but think back on my 'glory' days. Many moons ago I stumbled into Shelby County High School as a preppy, snotty, smart mouthed teenager. I thought I was invincible. I had many friends, I was very involved with extra curricular activities, and I was secretly terrified. I had so many expectations of how my life would turn out. I would graduate, go to college, party it up, join a sorority, and meet some hot athlete who would eventually go pro. With all this in my mind, life looked pretty awesome. I would eventually settle down, have as many babies as God would give me and be super mom. High school is rough no doubt. Everyone tells you 'these are the best days of your lives' and I have to disagree. That snotty, smart mouthed teen has grown up and been through the ringer and I have you know 'the best days of your lives' are far from over. One day you are fearless headed into the real world, the next you are knocked down with reality and the bittersweet of life as an adult. You realize you are lucky to have a handful of good friends, and maybe one or two best friends. You realize words hurt when you aren't the one spewing them out. You realize that all these plans you had or no more than day dreams. When you get married at 19 because you are so in love you couldn't imagine another day without them and you swore you never would marry before you 'lived a little.' You grow up with your spouse in the big old world and learn that life isn't fair, bad things happen to good people and there isn't really anything you can do about it. In the middle of all this chaos something happens. You grow up,you mature, and you realize how completely and undeservingly blessed  you are. Every trial and tribulation is preparing you for what's to come. When life comes together it all fits like a puzzle and their are still a few missing pieces but you know not to worry, in due time they will come. You take a deep breath and realize these are the best years of your life. Every day is a gift not to be taken for granted. The best days of your lives are everyday from here on out. It only gets better, you just have to choose to see the good even when it seems impossible.

I will wait for you...

It has been a few weeks since I have time to post but I finally have a little mommy time tonight so here goes! ;)


I do a lot of my soul searching while driving. Sometimes I have the radio blasting and sometimes it is completely silent. A few weeks ago I was driving down 42, it is a long country road. I was listening to Mumford and Sons " I will wait, I will wait for you" and singing along. All day I had been thinking of how I wanted Gunner to have siblings and how my whole life I had planned every little detail of how many children, how close in age etc. Well lets just be real... the chances of us birthing Gunner a sibling is slim to none and adoption is not an easy task. Yes it can be done but it is quite pricey and we were just unbelievably blessed the first go around. I was getting sadder and sadder allowing the devil to steal my joy. I promise God spoke to me through song. I was singing and as I said the words " I will wait for you" God reminded me of how we waited for Gunner and how it payed off. It was like he was telling me, be still child, I will provide the desires of your heart. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God WILL provide Gunner with brothers and or sisters. I will be a mother again and what a joyful day that will be. So all this is said because today I was driving down 42 again.. this road must be my portal to God ;)... I was in complete silence. I got to thinking of how we have a gender reveal party for my sis-in-law this weekend. I am all about honesty and I am gonna give it straight.. I was a little jealous in my thoughts. I kept thinking, we should be trying for a baby now with the age Gunner is if my plans had played out. I always wanted to have my babies close in age. All of my friends constantly talk about when they will try for more, or how long they want to wait. It is sometimes akward because we don't really have that option. Of course people innocently ask now, " When do you want another one"? Well obviously anytime, we will take what we can get! I was just thinking of how I wanted Gunner to have a buddy close to his age, a little sister to take care of or a little brother to show how to play ball or camp out. Immediately God spoke to me again... I realized my plans may not have panned out but God did the next best thing. He is giving Gunner a little cousin in September. That will be like a sibling to Gunner. God did answer my prayer, he is giving a beautiful baby to wonderful parents and Gunner a best friend. See sometimes plans don't work out the way we orignally want but they always work out best in Gods timing. What I am trying to say is, God has a wonderful plan if we will just accept it and go along for the ride things always make more sense in rewind. I am so thankful that even when I am down or not so optimistic God picks me up and shows me a different light. None the less we are so greatful for our sweet baby and if that is the only baby in our little family he is plenty, our hearts are full! That child has brought more smiles, laughter, and love to my life than I will ever be able to explain.

And on the night, they found a miracle

So many know the story of  my sweet Gunner's arrival into the world and many don't. As I have said before God gave me a testimony and I feel like I am supposed to tell it. With that being said I will tell you a little story of how we stumbled upon a miracle.

Lets start with June 24,2012. It was a normal day, we had breakfast with some friends, did some shopping and planned to have a "lazy day".  It was around 3 pm and I saw on facebook where a friend was in labor. I was also having horrible pains which I was assuming was my endometriosis acting up. I was so sad, we were sitting there childless, in pain at that while everyone around us was having babies. I went to bed that night with such a heavy heart, I was so broken down and honestly did not know if I could stand the pain anymore. I realized my marriage was failing, my body was failing, and there was not a thing I could do about it. Then I remembered I couldn't but God could. It had beeen a long time since God and I were on civil speaking terms. I prayed so hard that night, I apologized mainly for being such a brat when I was indeed blessed and was choosing not to see that. I prayed for God to heal my heart, take the pain, and bless us with a child IN HIS TIME. I gave it away, for the first time in a long time I gave it up and let it go. I was so tired, I was so weak, I knew I couldn't continue this heart wrenching journey. I went to bed more peacefully than I ever had before. The next morning Heath got up extremely early. It alarmed me and he said he was just going to water the flowers and have some "me" time.  Around 8:30 I woke up for the day and recieved a message from a family friend. It read please call ASAP. I immediately assumed the worst and was honestly scared to call. I called anyways, I can remember standing in my living room when the other line picked up. I was a nervous wreck already and she said" I don't really know how to say this but are you intresting in adopting"? I was taken back for a second, really not sure how to answer. I said "Of course we are intrested but we don't really have the income right now and I am a little confused". She went on to tell me of a little boy who was needing a home, he was only a day old and was completely heatlhy and unexpected.
I immediately went into tears, I explained I needed to speak with Heath but we were very interested. I called my mom, she was in such shock she couldn't believe what I was saying, I called my mother in law and all she could do was cry. I was patiently waiting on Heath to call me on his morning break. He called, I of course could not stop the water works, he said we would need to talk about this when he got home because this was not a rash decision to be made. I recieved another phone call from the family friend wanting to know if I wanted to meet the baby and birth mother. I thought about it and headed to the hospital. Heath had no idea I had went to meet our son, he thought I would be waiting on him at home. The moment I held Gunner he was mine. I had an immediate bond that I knew was only between a momma and a baby. Heath called in the middle of this "bonding" time. He was sorta mad at first, he couldn't believe that I had went without him and was scared that this was to good to be true. Heath came to the hospital and knew the moment he held him that we were taking him home. That night we were put in our own room and was holding our baby boy, a family completed. That night Heath told me, "remember when I told you I was watering flowers? I was actually praying, praying for a baby". It hit me all at once, God had answered my prayer, the prayer I had prayed only one night before. That is the kind of God I serve. As a christian I know that there will be heartache and things will not always be rosy, but God makes all the trials well worth it. If it wasn't for the rain, we could not appreciate the rainbow. There is no greater peace than after a storm. I am so thankful God never gave up on me, he never treated me the way I treated him, and he loved me through it. So as you can see, we have us a miracle.

How Great is our God!

Since my last post, so much has changed. I am now a mother. The reason I started this blog was for infertility. I was angry, I was sad, I was depressed and I was broken. I became a mother June 25, 2012 via adoption. I am so thankful God did not treat me the way I treated him. Our beautiful son Gunner Lee Smith was born on June 24,2012. We met him when he was a day old. I could not ask for a more perfect gift from God. I knew when God gave me this story of infertility he had a plan for my life but I honestly did not realize how great a plan it was. I had prayed from the beginning for God to give me a beautiful story and oh how sweet and beautiful is our story. Gunner was not planned by his precious birth mother, and she wanted more for her sweet boy. I am so grateful God put her in our life. Although it is a closed adoption if Gunner chooses to know her one day we will completely support his decision. I know that when God created Gunner he created him for us. He looks like us, he acts like us, he loves like us, and he is such a happy baby. They say if you feed someone for long enough they will start to resemble you, I guess that is true.. lol. I want Gunner to know how special he is. He was chosen by God and by our family.Adoption is a precious gift from God and I am honored to be a part of it. I hope this blog will continue to help my friends with IF and maybe inspire them to take te next step towards adoption. God gave me a testimony and I intend on telling anyone who will listen.