Sunday, November 14, 2010

It has to get easier

It has been a while since I have posted anything. This is my first month off infertility meds and I am feeling great. I have lost 6 pounds. I am still sad, and struggling but I am ok. I know that my heart will never heal until we have a child or adopt but it is getting a little easier everyday. I have been going to Zumba twice a week with some friends and its a great stress reliever. Its fun for our hubby's too because they get a break from us. LOL. My best friend is getting married next year and I have been consumed with planning her wedding so that has helped. We went and looked at dresses Saturday and had a great time. She is going to be a beautiful bride and has fabulous taste in wedding ideas. I have to say though, I was trying to have a good time and think about all the great things going on in our life, when it hit me. I saw all these mothers and brides and mother-in-laws looking so happy and sharing this special moment, and I realized I may never have this. It absolutely broke my heart. That's the thing with IF you never know when its going to hit, the littlest things trigger it and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. I am having a harder time this month than I thought I would, but I am only human and I have got to stop thinking being strong is my only option. I have realized it's ok to cry, it's ok to be sad, it's even ok to mad. I know that God will see us through and everything he is doing is in our best interest, and I am not suppose to understand. One day I will look back at this time in our life and laugh and think wow, that's why. I also am feeling a strong pull towards going forward with adoption. On one hand I think its a little premature but on another I feel like that's in the cards for us, so why wait. God has sent two people to me in the past week with very similar stories and adoption stories that have really pulled on my heart. I am letting go and letting GOD.

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