I was actually getting on here to dwell in my own self pity, which I haven't really done in a while. Well of course when I think things are just not going the way they should God sends reality to smack me in the face. So many times we are so self consumed that we don't notice God working around us. #1 Heath got a fantastic report from the doctor today, many times she told him how "lucky" he was to still have his fingers and still have mobility. #2 I sign on to start my blog and decide I am gonna blog stalk some people. I never really just browse blogs, but I decided to tonight. I am glancing and the first two blogs that pop up happen to be a little 4 year old girl with leukemia and a 37 year old woman with Breast Cancer. It makes me feel so blessed and appreciative that we are not on that kind of journey. If this is the worst thing our marriage will face in the future, wow we have it made. So many times we think things cannot be any worse or how dare things not go our way, but the reality is that so many times we are taking for granted what so many wish to have. I may be wishing for a baby, but someone else could be just wanting a safe and stable home or a cure to their disease. I use to ask WHY so many times to God, but now I am seeing that maybe this infertlity journey has nothing to do with babies. I am seeing that it opens your eyes to see that sometimes people around you are hurting and need someone just as much as you do.

Today is our 3 year anniversary. I am so thnakful to have such a sweet husband, we went shopping and had lunch at Chuy's. We had never ate there and decided we wanted something different, and it was very good. They have fabulous raspberry margaritas also. I enjoyed spending the day with Heath, I have always wanted a pair of costa sunglasses, but never really wanted to spend the money on them, so Heath talked me into buying some today. It is hard to believe we have been married for 3 years, somedays it seems like yesterday and somedays it seems like we have been married for 10 years. I am so thankful for my relationship with my husband, we have a very open relationship and I feel like I can talk to him about anything, from my friends hurting my feelings to what I am going to wear to work. He is defintely a blessing to me.

We have started back on birth control. It makes me sick and I honestly hate taking it, but I know that I need something to regulate my periods and hormones. It's either birth control or fertility drugs, I am just not ready for the fertility drugs right now, things just seem so calm and peaceful I don't won't to disrupt what we have for now. I know that Heath is fine with doing either of these but the Clomid makes me so ill, bloated, and emotional and right now he needs me more than I need the fertility drugs. I am going to continue to pray about the IF drugs over the summer and if I feel like that's the road we are being led to then I will start back in the fall. We will see where the road leads! :)

When it rains it pours... so why not dance in it!

I have been really lazy about not blogging lately but we have been so busy! So this will actually address three subjects! First thing I have found a new doctor whom I LOVE! I had been using a Dr. who I have seen since I was 14, I liked her but I felt like she was little rushed and her bed side manner was to relaxed for me. I loved that when I was 16 but now as an infertile 23 year old it's a little different. I am now seeing Dr. Huggins at Brookwood, and we are so glad that we found him. He is very personable and compassionate, I feel like he truely cares how I feel and if I concieve. I actually made a list of questions for the Dr. and after a 45 minute consulation he asked me if I had any questions, well every question  I had, he had already addressed. When we left I knew that he would be best for us. I am starting back on Birth Control this month ( I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY) but you are more likely to concieve right off the pill. The birth control will regulate my periods and make it easier for me to ovulate. It may not work but it's worth a try. We have actually considered just skipping a few pills and see what happens- it works for everybody else who is careless.... LOL! This month has been a little harder than most because I have had several baby showers, it's not that I mind going or helping, it's that feeling when you get home and you know that truthfully by now you should be coming home from your 2nd baby shower. But time has helped it will never go away but you learn to live with it and take one day at a time.

I bought a new car! I really didn't have an "old" car before but it was a 2008 Equinox. I bought the Equinox when we first started ttc. I was so happy when I got home with that car, I could picture car seats already and diaper bags car pools, etc. As time went on I started to think well maybe I shouldn't have jumped into such a big vehicle, but everyone around me was ttc and having lots of success. Finally I accepted that it would be a long time before I would fill that car with car seats or diaper bags.  I honestly hated driving in that car because I knew that it's purpose was not being filled. I finally got off my sob story and decided that I was gong to get what I want, not what's "baby" safe or "baby" appropiate. So that's what I did, I bought a 2011 Chevy Malibu and I love it. I came very close to buying the Camaro, but I knew in the back of my mind that even if I wasn't pg within 5 years we would be adopting so we knew that Camaro may not be the best option.

Well Wednesday of last week I get a very disturbing phone call. Heath had cut 3 of his fingers off with a table saw. The fingers were barely attached. We had to ride in ambulance from SC Rescue to Shelby. At Shelby we had the E.R physcian and surgeon tell us Heath would have 3 fingers amputated lowest knuckle up. We transported to UAB to see another specialist. The E.R. doctor and surgeon at UAB both agreed Heath would have to lose those 3 fingers. The tendons and ligaments were unsalvageble. The bones were competely shattered beyond repair. After Heath has gone back for surgery the doctor comes out, which competely scared me to death, I thought something was wrong. To our suprise she came out and let me know that the ligaments and tendons were intact and the bones were fixable. We know that this was a miracle. We prayed for God to save Heath's fingers and he did. We know that without everyones prayers Heath would have indeed lost his fingers. This has really made me open my eyes to alot of things. Just because God isn't answering a paticular prayer doesn't mean that he isn't working on it. If I was pg now or had a newborn it would be nearly impossible for me to help Heath for the next 6 weeks. Now I see the importance of God's timing.