Wednesday, February 23, 2011

I was actually getting on here to dwell in my own self pity, which I haven't really done in a while. Well of course when I think things are just not going the way they should God sends reality to smack me in the face. So many times we are so self consumed that we don't notice God working around us. #1 Heath got a fantastic report from the doctor today, many times she told him how "lucky" he was to still have his fingers and still have mobility. #2 I sign on to start my blog and decide I am gonna blog stalk some people. I never really just browse blogs, but I decided to tonight. I am glancing and the first two blogs that pop up happen to be a little 4 year old girl with leukemia and a 37 year old woman with Breast Cancer. It makes me feel so blessed and appreciative that we are not on that kind of journey. If this is the worst thing our marriage will face in the future, wow we have it made. So many times we think things cannot be any worse or how dare things not go our way, but the reality is that so many times we are taking for granted what so many wish to have. I may be wishing for a baby, but someone else could be just wanting a safe and stable home or a cure to their disease. I use to ask WHY so many times to God, but now I am seeing that maybe this infertlity journey has nothing to do with babies. I am seeing that it opens your eyes to see that sometimes people around you are hurting and need someone just as much as you do.

Today is our 3 year anniversary. I am so thnakful to have such a sweet husband, we went shopping and had lunch at Chuy's. We had never ate there and decided we wanted something different, and it was very good. They have fabulous raspberry margaritas also. I enjoyed spending the day with Heath, I have always wanted a pair of costa sunglasses, but never really wanted to spend the money on them, so Heath talked me into buying some today. It is hard to believe we have been married for 3 years, somedays it seems like yesterday and somedays it seems like we have been married for 10 years. I am so thankful for my relationship with my husband, we have a very open relationship and I feel like I can talk to him about anything, from my friends hurting my feelings to what I am going to wear to work. He is defintely a blessing to me.

We have started back on birth control. It makes me sick and I honestly hate taking it, but I know that I need something to regulate my periods and hormones. It's either birth control or fertility drugs, I am just not ready for the fertility drugs right now, things just seem so calm and peaceful I don't won't to disrupt what we have for now. I know that Heath is fine with doing either of these but the Clomid makes me so ill, bloated, and emotional and right now he needs me more than I need the fertility drugs. I am going to continue to pray about the IF drugs over the summer and if I feel like that's the road we are being led to then I will start back in the fall. We will see where the road leads! :)

1 comment:

  1. Patti,
    I stumbled upon your blog. I don't know where you are right now in your infertility journey. I just want you to know that I am now 40 and I have walked in your shoes. I have all of your "t-shirts". I had a miscarriage after 5 years of infertility treatments. I changed doctors 3 times. I finally went the shots route and became pregnant with twins. We lost our son and were given our beautiful daughter. God gives and he takes away. Three years after our daughter was born we chose to adopt. In 2006, we went to China to bring our little girl home. I can't tell you where your infertility journey will take you, but I know GOD has a plan for you and your husband. I will pray for you. Kim