Wednesday, February 5, 2014

"Dear Lord, prepare and make me a vessel"

So, I am about to tell you a story of how God has taken heartache and turned into beauty. I still have a hard time comprehending the love that was invloved on many ends. So hear goes.....
As you know, my sweet G is adopted. Through his adoption I have had the privlege of meeting and speaking with many people who I wouldnt have had G not entered my life. I  have  gained and lost many friends through the years. A lot due to me not being able to deal with the life around me. Oe friend that did stick is Tiffeny. Maybe because we were both so far gone we could understand each other. Maybe because our conversation s only consisted of our disgust for bad parenting or pregnant women who didnt appreciate the ability to conceive.  I know one thing that is certain,  that God kept that friendship around for reasons we wouldnt have ever fathomed.
Over the past 2 years I have prayed for God to open the door for Gunner to one day be joined by a sibling.  I have had the privlege of speaking with a few birth moms, all whom couragesly chose to keep their precious babies.  With my job I come in contact with several walks of life on a daily basis. I recieved a call the week before Christmas.  It was a birth mom who obtained my info with hopes of us adopting her soon to be born son. Heath and I discussed it and deciced to give it a try. All night I laid and couldnt get any sleep. I kept asking God, what shoukd I do? You know my heart,  you know how badly we want a sibling for Gunner? Why am I not excited and grateful. I prayed for God to give me peace or show me the purpose of that call. When I finally drifted off to sleep I saw Tiffeny holding a baby and crying. My heart was happy and I was in tears as well. I woke up and realized what thidmmeant. Selfishly I laid there and pondered what I knew needed to be done. I woke Heath up asked him what he thought of my plan. He was in agreeance. It was midnight but I knew I couldnt wait until morning to call. When Tiffeny answered I was nervous.  I thought for sure she was going to think I had really lost it. Within a day she knew her prayers had been answered and would soon be a mommy.  The past month has shown me that God can use anyone you just have to be willing to do what he asks even when your head is questioning your heart. Seeing a deserving person become a mother is so wonderful. I have come to the realzation that every child that comes into my path may not br mine anf that is ok.  God took an impossible and made it possible once again and I am honored I could be apart of it. Baby James you are a miracle and loved by so many. One day you will tell your story and know that God has a hand in your life.

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